so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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