we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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