I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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