Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
