what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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