I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We have so much sex to catch up on
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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