So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
