Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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