What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
