fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
