I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
