At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
no you cant smoke seaweed
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
