broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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