i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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