i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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