Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(559): View more from California

I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great

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(559): I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great http://tfl.nu/r602

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.

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(504): I think horse shit smells the best of all shits. http://tfl.nu/6fku

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?

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(919): Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"? http://tfl.nu/qjxq

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(773): View more from Illinois

She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs

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(773): She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs http://tfl.nu/4ami

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(469): View more from Texas

I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!

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(469): I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida! http://tfl.nu/oplt

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(224): View more from Illinois

Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect

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(224): Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect http://tfl.nu/i76x

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(317): View more from Indiana

Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.

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(317): Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road. http://tfl.nu/vlcv

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

Marry him. Now.

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(570): He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight. (1-570): Marry him. Now. http://tfl.nu/5wky

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

next time we drink: battle shots.

(1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.

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(403): next time we drink: battle shots. (1-403): battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out. http://tfl.nu/hwdw

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.

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(403): I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally. http://tfl.nu/1q5b

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.

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(704): Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own. http://tfl.nu/ehgs

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(734): View more from Michigan

Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."

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(734): Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask." http://tfl.nu/9mhd

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward

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(717): It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward http://tfl.nu/5j4d

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(518): View more from New York

Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.

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(518): Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try. http://tfl.nu/4xiu

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(850): View more from Florida

I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.

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(850): I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute. http://tfl.nu/idmm

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