Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize