I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
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we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
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So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We are all done wearing pants today