just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?