I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
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Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
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Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.