life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.