i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
