and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
