Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
