It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
