Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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