Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
