just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
