I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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