Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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