Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
