I just pynch a tree in the face
My cat gives me a boner
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
