I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
