just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
