from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms