seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
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I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
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Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"