...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
