Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere

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  (301): Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere http://tfl.nu/ptau
  Replies (4) Good night (1506) Bad night (530)
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  (714): View more from California

  he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday

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  (714): he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday http://tfl.nu/odld
  Replies (18) Good night (568) Bad night (6329)
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  (631): View more from New York

  there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.

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  (631): there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be. http://tfl.nu/ag4a
  Replies (12) Good night (4322) Bad night (1714)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already

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  (513): just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already http://tfl.nu/ip8k
  Replies (31) Good night (6830) Bad night (802)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.

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  (210): masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know. http://tfl.nu/gdcq
  Replies (32) Good night (671) Bad night (5592)
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  (283): View more from Ohio

  she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.

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  (283): she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love. http://tfl.nu/fwj8
  Replies (8) Good night (4383) Bad night (770)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  i wish i coudl send you meat via computure

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  (409): i wish i coudl send you meat via computure http://tfl.nu/wiw5
  Replies (3) Good night (1952) Bad night (763)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic

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  (410): I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic http://tfl.nu/vj3a
  Replies (4) Good night (2621) Bad night (666)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.

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  (+44): On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling. http://tfl.nu/fq4v
  Replies (0) Good night (871) Bad night (1151)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck

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  (412): I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck http://tfl.nu/1t6b
  Replies (16) Good night (824) Bad night (1280)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.

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  (215): You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized. http://tfl.nu/g02p
  Replies (3) Good night (955) Bad night (402)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List

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  (405): Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List http://tfl.nu/9eia
  Replies (1) Good night (500) Bad night (156)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum

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  (913): I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum http://tfl.nu/ad9i
  Replies (8) Good night (1098) Bad night (272)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE

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  (204): I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE http://tfl.nu/94j1
  Replies (6) Good night (280) Bad night (353)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!

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  (701): DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO! http://tfl.nu/dkw6
  Replies (0) Good night (266) Bad night (435)

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