I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
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Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
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i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.