I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
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what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
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I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!