OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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