You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.