Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Randomize
Follow @tfln