Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
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This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
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I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent