She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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