Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
