It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
