This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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