Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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