My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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