so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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