I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
