There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
