theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
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I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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