i love accidental penises.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
