oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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