I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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