You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
