The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
