Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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