If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
