3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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