did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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