Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
