You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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