Can i not drive my cunt home
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
