ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
