I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
