there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
