look no pants
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
