he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
