I just cut my nipple shaving
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
