i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
