I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
