I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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