In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
