I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
