Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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