i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
