Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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