Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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