You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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