You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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