My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
