the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
