Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
