Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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