hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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