So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
