Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
