do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
