i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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