You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
