I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
