and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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